I missed Zoe terribly for the twelve days she was away. The name of the game has been distraction. How did I keep myself distracted while she was away? I�??ll tell you about one way: Vegas. Yes, that�??s right; I went to Las Vegas with my brother Fred last Friday through Sunday. I will tell you this story, which does not directly relate to Zoe but, because it was a distraction from thinking about her, I think it fits the context of this blog. Sorry Fred.

OK, first off, we flew to Vegas in Fred�??s Cessna 182. Now I hate to fly commercial, for several reasons, but I rather enjoy flying around with Fred. He is a very safe pilot and is extremely good at flying. I was actually the first passenger he took up after receiving his license. I found out during that flight at about 2500 feet. Typical of him to let me know after the fact.

I digress.

We left from Falcon Field in Mesa, AZ. Shortly after take-off, at about 1000 feet, Fred was looking at some charts or something as we were climbing. Suddenly, the plane took a swift dive down to the left. Fred grabbed the stick and righted us quickly stating in a very nonchalant tone �??oh, we just hit some funny air.�?� Funny Air? Funny? Are you @#!$% NUTS? What was funny about that? I actually felt the upper chamber of my heart beating against my Adams apple. My entire life flashed through my head. AHHHHH!!!!! If that was funny air, I wonder what turbulent air feels like. All I thought about for the next two hours was the wing ripping off and us tumbling downward to our ultimate demise with my brother calmly telling me �??oh, its just some funny structural damage.�?�

As if things weren�??t bad enough, about 40 minutes into the flight, Fred struck up a conversation about what would happen if he had a heart attack. He gave me instructions to turn to a channel on the radio. I forgot it as he was telling me. That is what terror can do to a person. I told him what would happen: I would push his body right out of the plane. They are easier to fly with less weight, aren�??t they? Bastard. Nice conversation. Hey lets talk about what to do if we lose all power or maybe about what to do if we hit another plane. Jack-ass.

The flight couldn�??t end soon enough. We got to North Las Vegas airport and tied down. I decided to rent a car at the Hertz counter. We drove it to our luxurious accommodations that awaited us �?? the Four Queens, downtown. The Four Queens was aptly named but someone forgot to tell us that the queens were all over 70 years old with blue hair and smokers�?? coughs. It is one of the few hotels in Vegas where you can win $300 at a craps table, take ten steps, and be mugged in a back alley out of sight from anyone, literally. The room was two star quality at best. Tantamount to a motel six, with the added smoky smell permeating the sheets in our �??non-smoking room.�?� The room was not on a non-smoking floor, just the room, which I realized after stepping into the hallway and inhaling a good lungful of the real Marlboro man�??s secondhand smoke. Thanks a lot. Why is Vegas the only place where you will see a guy on oxygen smoking a cigarette while putting his welfare check into a slot machine?

Our first day started with us playing some poker at Binion�??s. Fred sat at a low-limit hold �??em table and I decided to try my luck in a no-limit tourney. I lasted about 2 ½ hours before being busted out by a 22 year-old loudmouth whose stories of his past final table conquests were almost as obnoxious as his disingenuous interest in other player�??s origins. If I was asked to pick one person to NOT bust me out, it would have been this jackhole. Oh well, I eventually made my entry fees, and then some, back the next day at the Mirage.

After my unsavory bust out, I headed over to Fred�??s table to play some poker with him. I usually don�??t play this limit game because of the frequency of people who have no clue how to play hold �??em asking �??how much can I bet?�?� right after they hit a high hand to crush my two pair. Getting these people to fold a drawing hand is like getting a to go box at an all you can eat restaurant. Fred played in an uncharacteristically loose manner and did exactly that. He drew out a gut shot straight against my three of a kind. What an ass. If he was playing against anyone else, he would have folded. I summarily lost another $85 at that table and headed back to the room, pissed. I gave Fred an earful upon his return. He tried to argue it off with a smile on his face the whole time, as I would have had if it had been me in his shoes.

That night we headed off to the circle bar at the Hard Rock Casino. We were trading off round for round. I was drinking Corona and he was having scotch. I didn�??t think much of it until I heard, upon ordering round # 4, Fred order Glenlivit name brand scotch. Mind you, I no nothing about scotch and even had to look up the brand name online, but when I heard a name brand being requested of a bartender, my years of single life and inherent cheapness caused my Spidey senses to tingle. I�??d like to see that slip, Mr. Bartender. Thank you. As I suspected, a $9.25 scotch for each of my $4.50 beer. Figures. Thanks a lot. I called him out and the bartender laughed out loud as I did so. I demanded he buy me 3 more beers to even things up, which to his credit he did.

Ok, next issue. Fred likes to ask strangers, in this case a 5 woman bachlorette party) who looks older, he or I. Fred loves to ask this because 9 times out of 10, the answer is me. Even though I am 4 years younger then Fred. He loves it, eats it up and strokes his ego. Fine, whatever. The response from the women inquired upon was the typical �??Fred.�?� Fine, who cares? But I had to know why. I asked what the contributing factors to their quick decision were.  Their response was, firstly, the glasses. OK, understandable. Secondly, the fact that Fred �??uses product in his hair.�?� Yes, that is a direct quote. Product? Any old product I guess, gel, mousse, hairspray, anything would do I guess. Could that be what has causes me to look no less than 4 years older than I really am? I guess I can get over all that. Fine. I was a little self conscious after all that but nothing compared to the way I felt when I was told by the bachelorette herself that I spit on her arm mid-sentence. I�??m done. Good night. No more hard consonants for me, soft vowels only for the rest of the weekend.

Anyway, we headed back to the 4 Queens clutching our wallets from the car to the room. Saturday was quite uneventful, poker at the Mirage followed by craps at Binion�??s. We ate lunch at the Rio buffet and dinner at the Mirage buffet. The Mirage buffet was exceptional, crab legs and all. I was able to break even at the end of the weekend paying for all my meals.

Thankfully, the flight home did not throw any �??funny air�?� our way.

Categories: Rantings
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Eight months have come upon us faster than you can say �??Diaper Champ!�?� Zoe now has 6 teeth and a bite that rivals many great whites in the ocean. She can tear through waffles and magazines like a wood chipper. She is now able to crawl at full speed all the time, which keeps Kris and I on our toes. Zoe also pulls herself up to standing very easily and can glide, which means that she can walk along objects (couch, table, etc.) while holding on as takes steps. Momma speculates that she will be walking during her 9^th month.

This is all happening way too fast!!!

Categories: Milestones
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Zoe came home last night. I picked Zoe and momma up at the airport at 7:30 PM. Oh my God, I spent 2 hours cleaning the house before I went to get them. It was so nice to see her again. I was unknowingly rude, trying to get her out of her stroller in the egress point of the security check point, holding up pedestrian traffic. I hate when people do that kind of thing and there I was doing it.

She already looked different to me . Her hair was longer and blonder (is that a word?) and she has six teeth showing now. I got the impression that she was not sure who I was but quickly realized that she was just sleepy and had just woken up a few minutes earlier. Kris told me that the entire flight, Zoe didn�??t make a sound, unlike 2 other kids on the plane that screamed the lion�??s share of the flight time. I carried her all the way to baggage claim kissing her every 10 steps or so. I’m so happy.

During the twelve day trip I called momma several times to ask her what her favorite color choice would be for a new car and she suggested maroon and 2 different shades of blue. That was the last we spoke about it. When we were at the airport walking to the car she looked at our Isuzu Rodeo and said �??is that us?�?� with a sigh in her voice. I told her yes and followed it up with my standard excuse that it was too much money and I just couldn�??t do it. She responded �??I knew you wouldn�??t.�?� I even complained about the Rodeo while we drove home. When we got home, as the garage door opened, I watched her face as she quickly realized that I did do it. A brand new 2006 Kia Sorento awaited her arrival at home. She was elated and smiled from ear to ear. It was really cool. I would tell you about what happened later that night but this is a family oriented site. We grabbed some food and momma gave Zoe a bottle and she was out like a light.

It is nice to have her back! I’m not sure I want to be away from her for that long any time soon.
P.S. I missed momma too!

Categories: Rantings
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Kris left on a 12 day road trip with her mother and Zoe Friday morning at about 5:23AM, roughly. They are delivering a car to her uncle Jimmy in Hampton, NY. I�??m not going to lie. It was a tough moment for me. It actually started at about 4:52 AM, roughly, when I went into Zoe�??s room and she was standing in her crib. I looked at her, picked her up, held her, kissed her cheek and thought nothing other than not wanting her to go. I gave it a last ditch effort: �??Kris, don�??t go!�?� No avail. Momma loaded her up in the car and I gave her a kiss and a last look. It was pretty heart wrenching. I was looking down the barrel of ten days without my little Bumper. I have gotten really used to having her around and her being a huge part of me.

It�??s now Monday. Momma and Zoe are in Jacksonville, FL and reports are all good. Zoe is doing great. I still have another 8 days to go. It�??s funny, I forgot how much freedom I had before Zoe, but you know what? I don�??t miss it. Zoe fills up my life in such a positive way that not having her around creates a big void. Sure its nice to be able to jump in the car and roll somewhere without packing her up and pulling her out, but I�??d take the latter just to be able to kiss her goodnight and get up with her in the morning.

Enough of me whining, I have some partying to do while they are away! Anybody up for Vegas?

Categories: Rantings
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Yesterday was a pretty sad day for us here. Kyle, Zoe�??s 19 year old big brother, left to join the Air Force. We took him to the processing station on Monday and then to a hotel where he was gonna stay until yesterday when he flew out to Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio Texas. Momma is taking it pretty hard, as is to be expected. After all, Kyle is her first born and now he is out of the house. She found an information page on the Air Force�??s web site that shows the basic training progression of each newly enlisted airman on a week by week basis. I think this will be a good site for her.

To make matters worse, last night was also Momma�??s last day at work. She quit her law enforcement job after 8 years to go back to nursing. Now she can work less hours (10 shifts a month max), make the same pay, and spend more time with Zoe. She has been working full time since she was 18 and deserves a bit of a break. When her two boys were young, she worked and went to nursing school and had to rely on daycare, which we are avoiding at all costs with Zoe. Its gonna be good for all of us.

We wish Kyle the best of luck in his new career!

Categories: Rantings
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Ok. It�??s on now. Is that how you want it? Fine. Two can play at that game. Her indiscriminant tendencies played right into my plan for revenge. Here�??s what I�??m talking about:

About a week ago, my latest copy of Parachutist magazine arrived in the mail. Of course, I brought it directly to its proper stowage, the bathroom. I read a little bit of it but did not get to read some of the articles? Why, do you ask? Because sometime between my �??sittings�?�, Momma decided to give Zoe a crack at my shiny new magazine. This is exceptionally underhanded due to the fact that Momma, as well as I, have witnessed the sheer pain and destruction that Zoe can lay upon a magazine, several times. Zoe burns through the pages of a magazine like a beaver through a pile of dry twigs. Ripping, tearing, chewing. Magazine shavings flying off behind her as she rips away! She loves it. Zoe loves ripping up magazines. Its necessary, however, to watch her closely as she sometimes rips tiny little pieces of the magazine and puts them in her mouth. Momma or I simply declare �??small pieces�?� as we remove them from her immediate vicinity.

OK, fine, so much for Parachutist, August 2006 edition. Well, guess what also arrived in the mail in the not so distant past: Parenting, July 2006. Left out in the magazine basket in the family room. Hey Zoe, wanna play in the living room with daddy? Sure you do. Why don�??t I just put your curious little self down right next to the big pretty basket. Whoops, there she goes, over the baskets edge to retrieve the magazine placed so coincidentally right on top! That�??s my girl. Turn on the magazine shredder.

Good, now we were even. For about 2 days! That�??s right, 2 days later the new issue of Parenting arrived. And I�??m still stuck reading shampoo bottles in the bathroom.

Categories: Rantings
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