As my wife was leaving for work the other day, she suggested that I take Zoe to the park down the street. She said that if I take her down there for half an hour or so, she would be in heaven. I asked Kris where the diaper bag was as I was leaving and she told me that she usually just takes the sippy cup and a ball down with Zoe to the park. I listened to her suggestion, which proved to be my biggest mistake that day.

I loaded up Zoe in the jogging stroller and put a soccer ball in the basket that hangs under it. We headed down to the park in quite a gleeful manner. Just her and I spending the afternoon together, blissfully unaware that my demeanor would be quite the opposite on the way home. We arrived at the park and headed right for the slide and swings, after spending some time at each activity, we did some climbing in the jungle gym. Zoe is working on climbing up onto things and progressing along very nicely. While walking in the sand that covers the play area, Zoe spotted a black dog. I glanced over and noted that it was a black lab or lab mix whoâ??s owner was pleasing it by throwing a tennis ball in various directions for the dog to chase, tackle and return. Zoe made a bee line for the dog. Not surprising at all, she headed in the dogâ??s direction as quickly as her little legs could take her.

When Zoe got up to the dog she was in heaven. The dog slobbered on her in short order as she patted the dog on its head. The woman walking the dog was very nice and we chatted about her just moving here from New York. She and her husband lived in the apartments next to the park. Her husband works in the same field as I do so I got kinda wrapped up in the conversation.

I kept Zoe in sight as she ran around with the nice lab mix. Before I knew what hit me, Zoe was about 20 yards away, picking up what I thought was a pine cone. I think I had pine cone in my head because of the talk of back east, where I grew up. I know what you are thinking – there are pine cones in a park in Chandler, AZ? No , there are not. It was about the furthest possible thing from a pine cone. Guessed what it was yet? Poop. Dog poop.

I was asked by a friend after telling them this story if the poop was fresh or hard crusted. Well, let me just say it was hard crusted on top but Zoe was able to find the soft, fleshy, underbelly of each if the three pieces she brought to me. As I realized what she was carrying, I quickly knocked it out of her hand, yelling “Ucky!”

Zoe then began to move her poop laden fingers towards her mouth. Seeing my reaction was like watching a Secret Service Agent in slow motion diving in front of a bullet aimed for the President, all the time slowly screaming ” NOOOOOOOOOO!!!” I was able to thwart the attack as I frantically wiped her hand off on my shoulder.

After this unfortunate event, I immediately rushed home, poop shoulder and all, to decontaminate myself and the little poop collector. I don’t even think I said another word to the nice lady in the park.

I think I’ll take the diaper bag with me from now on.

Categories: Rantings
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