I was lying in bed last Wednesday night, reading in the instruction manual about babies waking up in the middle of the night and how to get them back to bed. The instructions specifically said to avoid giving your baby a bottle to get them to go back to sleep. It states that giving your baby a bottle to get them back down will teach them to use food for comfort at that is probably a bad thing.
A few minutes later, after putting Zoe to bed, Kris climbed in to bed next to me. I then began to discuss with her the theory that I just learned about in the instruction. Zoe has been waking up every night, anywhere from 1:00 AM to 4:00 AM like clockwork, for the last month or so. We (Kris) have been using a bottle and a diaper change to get her back down. We began a conversation about this idea being a good one and that we should implement this policy. We discussed that it would be a good idea to start on the weekend so that I wouldn’t have to go to work after she inevitably cries for half an hour at 3:00 AM, trying to get us to feed her. We decided on Friday night as a goo start day. We then tumbled off into a blissful nights sleep. After all, we fell asleep after actually agreeing on something!
I awoke in the morning, refreshed and quite alert not remembering Zoe awakening in the middle of the night. Its usually quite noisy. I blame the microwave we have. When you shut it’s door, it makes a very loud latching sound and the fan rivals some small airline jets! Not last night, nada, zip, nothing. It was later confirmed with momma that Zoe slept all the way through the night.
How funny is that? She’s up every night for a month. But the one night we discuss not feeding her if she gets up, she sleeps all the way through, as if to say ??I’m not even gonna bother trying if they aren’t even going to feed me!?
The next night, I had a dream….
It was more of a half-dream, because I was half asleep. A mission was taking place during the night. This was a mission like no other. Any and all knowledge of this mission would be, and has been, disavowed to this very day. The operative in this ??half-dream,? we’ll call her ??agent K? slipped quietly out of bed, moved with the silence and stealth of a jaguar hunting water buffalo on the Serengeti to the kitchen and quietly filled up a bottle, gingerly placing it the microwave and closing it’s door with the care and patience that rivals that exercised by fine watch makers and highly skilled bomb technicians. Reversing the process with the same diligence. The Agent K then slid into the bedroom of the target, performed a diaper change and tank refill on the target faster than a NASCAR race team performs a pit stop. Agent K then slipped back into bed and terminated the op.
??What??
??What are you talking about??
?? No, no I did not!?
??I do not recall anything of that nature ever occuring.?
Just a few excerpts from the interrogation of Agent K…
Categories: Rantings
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